i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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