Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
