Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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