she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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