The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
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You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
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Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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