Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
