Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
