Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
