We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
