you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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