you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
