If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
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I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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