Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I pour the whiskey from now on
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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