so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
