Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize