it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
