Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
