I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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