I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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