She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
