have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
