In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
