physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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