barbara walters just said penis...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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