I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
