We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
