Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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