Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
