So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My penis needs a shock collar
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
