1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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