Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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