I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
