just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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