Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize