woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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