I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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