Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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