Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
