i permit you to call me
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
