I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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