i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
