Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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