We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
