Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
