And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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