i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
