Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
