Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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