Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
