Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
