I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
