I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need a beard to bite.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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