she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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