My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize