You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it's like heaven, but drunker
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
