why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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