just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
