My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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