How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
