The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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