I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
