I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have tasted many bathrooms
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
